1000 Ways To Die: 10 Ridiculous Deaths of Historical Figures That Are Both Horrific and Hilarious.

To be honest, we are all terrified of death, 

especially as we do not know when it will 

come to us all. 

In all fairness, it is a very serious issue that 

you may wonder why I make light of it in this 


I am guilty as charged. But I promise if you 

read on, you may just come to understand the 

ephemeral nature of life and why being too 

serious is such a drag.

It's alright to chuckle and giggle behind your 

phones. In Timaya's voice... "This life, I can't 

kill myself..."

1. Harry Houdini 

This known illusionist died by one of his

own tricks. You obviously can cheat nature

for too long. 

Cause of Death: Stomach Boxing.

One of his many tricks was to brazenly hold

a punch to his stomach like one would hold

a grudge, by stiffening his abdominal

muscles. But nature served him his tea, hot,

as Houdini got punched without first

stiffening his muscles. He suffered days

later from the after-effects of his own trick

and a ruptured app


2. Hans Steininger

Steininger's death was literally a "the evil

you do would come back to haunt you",

kind of death. To keep a beard is

much chore, but then to keep one that


Who even does that? STEININGER!

Cause of Death: Death by Beard.

Yup. This man who lived in the 16th

century, in a place that is now Austria, kept

a beard that was four-foot-long, and kept it

in a pouch for safekeeping.

One night while trying to flee when his

house was on fire, he tried to 'unwrap' the

beard from its pouch, but somehow tripped

on it and broke his neck.


3. Sherwood Anderson

Not to make fun of his death, but this great

American novelist was put to rest by

something so very small, it is almost


Cause of Death: Punctured by a 


On a cruise to South America with his wife,

Sherwood had complained of severe

abdominal discomforts, and stopped at a

hospital in Panama for treatments. But he

died later of peritonitis—an inflammation

of the tissue lining the abdomen, whichwas

later revealed through autopsy, was caused

by a toothpick he accidentally swallowed

while consuming a hors d'oeuvres. The

small toothpick punctured his internal

organs and caused a mighty infection that

claimed his life in 1941.

4. Tycho Brahe

Tycho Brahe was a famous astronomer of

the 16th century whose work is famed tobe

nearly as important as Copernicus' in

developing modern astronomy.

But he knew more of mathematics and so

little of health sciences that he paid dearly

for it.

Cause of Death: Burst Bladder.

This math genius thought it rude to excuse

himself at a dinner banquet, and held his

pee throughout the Royal banquet. This led

to a bladder ailment that killed him in


Despite rumors that he was poisoned,

autopsy by danish scientists in 2010


he most likely died from a ruptured


So when next you're thinking of sucking up

your pee, let Brahe's name ring a bell

5. Clement Vallandigham

This remarkable lawyer was in the middle

of demonstrating how another man may

have accidentally shot himself, when he in

fact killed himself.

Cause of Death: Accidental Suicide.

In July 1871, former congressman,


who turned lawyer, was making frantic

efforts to show his fellow lawyers how the

victim in a saloon shoot out may have died.

In a slight mistake that caused him his life,

Clement picked up one of the two pistols

seated on the table and unfortunately went

for the loaded one.

The rest was history.

6. President Felix Faure

What better way than to die in the arms of

your lover? Only that in this case,

Marguerite Steinheil was a 'baroness', with

a penchant for affairs with many other

influential men.

Cause of Death: Stroke of Pleasure.

Felix François Faure's case was the literal

"no go dey do pass yourself" type of case.

For the 58 year old man took an

aphrodisiac that was supposed to make


perform the herculean sex task, but ended

up in a stroke midway to orgasm.

Funny, huh? 

This unusual death of the President, spiked

sarcastic comments around 19th century

France. For example, Georges Clemenceau

summarised his death in a few, but explicit,

words: “The voulait être César, the ne fut

que Pompée” (could mean both “he wished

to be Caesar, but ended up as Pompey”, or

“he wished to be Caesar and ended up

being blown”). You should know also that,

"pomper" in French means oral sex. This

further depicts that Felix was having his

horn blown when he 'blew'.

Enjoying this article so far? Click here to

read about 10 insanely ridiculous

marriages to things other than a human.

7. Aeschylus 

This Greek playwright, known as the father

of Greek Tragedy, died from the funniest

reason so far on our list.

Cause of Death: Mistaken (territorial) 


No written account truly knows if

Aeschylus had a head that shone like

polished glass. 

But it is known that in 455BC, while taking

a walk in his yard, an eagle threw a


on his head, in the hopes that it was a

sturdy rock capable of smashing the shellof

a reptile.

8. Arius

Arius was one of the earliest heretics of

Christianity in the 4th century AD.

Cause of Death: How do I say this? He 

shat his bowels out.

No kidding. He did it in a public toilet.

While it was rumoured that he was

poisoned, a sort of political assassination.

Others say he was smitten by God for


Heresy or not, according to one of his

political opponents: "A faintness came over

him, and together with the evacuations his

bowels protruded, followed by a copious

hemorrhage, and the descent of the smaller

intestines: moreover portions of his spleen

and liver were brought off in the effusion


blood, so that he almost immediately died."

This is enough imagery to last you and me

both, a lifetime.

9. Queen Sunandha

Next time you crave the Royal life with all

its luxuries, remember Queen Sunandha.

Cause of Death: Unadulterated Blue 


In a place that is now Thailand, a queen

was left to drown because of the blue blood

that flowed through her veins.

Perhaps it was believed then, that a

commoner's touch will adulterate her

majesty's distinguished blood type. Which

was very silly and hilarious because, other

than face capital punishment for touching

the Queen, they rather just let her and one-

year-old baby drown at sea, when their

boat capsized in 1880.

What do they say about choosing the lesser


10. Attila the Hun

This warlord of the 5th century AD thatwas

feared for his war tactics, was not killed by

the Romans or the Goths, but by his own


Cause of Death: A wine too many.

Just kidding. It was in fact a nosebleed,

brought upon him by his overindulgence in


What was that saying again? "If God wills


even a fly could kill a King."

Such truth. But Attila's was a keg too many.

On his wedding day to the fairest Ildico, he

drank late into the night, so much so that


did into a stupor and choked on his own


Think about it this way, have you ever been

so wasted that getting up to use the loo was

a drag, that you'd rather just shit yourself? 

Yup. That's exactly the picture I'm trying to

paint with this Hungarian warrior.

There you have it! 10 horrific and hilarious

deaths of people that are now history. 

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